the bittersweet chocolate starfish

Oh dear..I’ve just turned 23 and I only came to terms with that yesterday. On my birthday itself. It’s partly about the age factor. But it’s mostly about the time factor. Time doesn’t only fly. It glides by discreetly without your realization. A little too sneaky sometimes, if you ask me. And like a pick-pocket, it quietly and stealthily snatches something away from you as it passes by. And you don’t know a thing.  You are the victim. Meanwhile, you continue to dream a little, drift a lot and indulge endlessly in The Pursuit of Happy-ness (Luv tat movie! A must-watch. My latest inspiration - it’s ‘y’ in Happiness, not ‘i’. Cos happiness is perhaps not actually a noun, not something that you can really own. It’s something which you have to pursue. It’s a state of being. It’s a constant state of pursuit. It’s always about striving to ‘be’ happy).  Before you know it, you are caught off guard and left wondering what’s missing in your life..

…Is it a friend? Or friends? After years of separation or sometimes, merely months, friends either part their ways or grow apart. That’s a fact of life. But there’s always that once-in-a-blue-moon reunion or monthly catch-up session which always turns out great…

…Or could it be a feeling that you’ve lost? Innocence, for instance. Passion. Whole-hearted joy. (When you grow older and face more trials in life, it seems harder to experience whole-hearted joy. It’s always half-hearted, always divided, never wholesome like it used to be when you are a kid.)

…For all you know, you could also have lost something called compassion. Heartache is often the killer. When you were a kid, it’s easy to love and be loved. When you get older, it becomes one way or the other, or somewhere in the middle. Compassion is often compromised in the process. You find that despite the loving and caring and good person you essentially are, some of your unconditional love and natural compassion towards others have been somewhat washed out over the hurts, tensions and misgivings that take place in your relationships with them. You try to be more forgiving and more understanding even if they give you crap to deal with. You try your best to love everyone just the way they are.. but often, it’s just really hard to be Little Ms. Nice all the time. This is what they call the ‘real world’ huh ..

…Or it could simply be sanity that one loses over time, a little at a time, time after time. Call me morbid, but I do believe our sanity deteriorates every time we go through rough patches in life. But i guess we can look at it from a brighter point of view and see this as life’s way of toughening us up and making us stronger and better and more emotionally resilient human beings.

Mhmm..whatever it is..I wish that time would at least have the courtesy of letting me know what it’s nicking from me next time around. Cos I really don’t get it…don’t they always say ‘only time will tell’? Hah..Apparently not!

Lolz..enough of ramblings. On a happy note, I did enjoy my birthday celebrations this year. Sweet and simple. With lotsa good food There are good times in life to roll with after all i guess! Heh heh. Guess it’s the safest to live by the classic philosophy of "enjoy it while it lasts". Thanks to those who remembered my birthday and made it a point to make sure I know! cheers~