the bittersweet chocolate starfish

When you put your trust in someone, you are subjecting your feelings and well-being to that person’s conscience. That person has the power to take that trust and do either one, two or all of the following with it: 1. Safeguard it. Simply because he cares about how you think and feel. He would never want to hurt you in any way. 2. Betray it. Simply because he does not care. He has every intention to hurt you. 3. Compromise it. Simply because he cares about you in a way that started out right, but ended up wrong. There might be good intentions, there might also be bad ones. There might be a mixture of both. Whatever they are, you find yourself being in doubt and fear about what that person really wants from you. That person could be the friend with whom you stay up all night with to
share your secrets, fears and dreams with. Or the special someone with
whom you spend your days with to feel  loved, adored and appreciated in
a way like no other. It could be that family member whom you turn to in
times of need and despair when the world outside has hurt you. It could be anyone whom you think you can trust. But at the end of the day, your closest friends will never be the first ones who betray you. Your family as well. These are the people who accept you for who you were, who you are and who you want to be. It’s the people on the outside who are most capable of betraying the trust you have in them, especially when you give them a chance to come inside your life, occupy your heart and control your emotions. They are the ones who are capable of playing games to lure you out of your safety zone, trap you in their comfort zone and then push you into the danger zone where you can do nothing to save yourself from getting hurt.  Recently I’ve been deeply hurt by people that I thought I could trust and love. People who meant a lot to me, who I adored and looked up to. People who taught me things, listened to me, guided me through bad times and laughed with me through good times. There are some who can also make your experience of being with them feel like a utopian dream that suddenly turns into a horrible nightmare overnight. This bad dream might even hold you in captivation for  some time. Your conscience is manipulated by your mixed feelings of fear and fascination. It is something like fire. You are fascinated by its ability to give light and wamth, yet you fear of its power to burn and destroy. That is when you fall further into the depths of darkness and confusion. ..until you have enought guts to push it all away, get out and move on. Imagine being the biggest fool in the world. The type that does not realize she had been living a lie for the past six months. even if she eventually did come to her senses, she had to endure it in silent agony. As far as emotional predicaments go, i had the full package of hurt, disappointment, anger and bitterness. I’m just surprised that I haven’t gone mad. It’s painful to come to terms with the fact that I have been deceived and fooled by people who had ‘designs’ to make all these things to happen. I’m not alone though. I’m not the only victim here. I am but only ONE of many misguided fools who wanted to believe in such a thing called love. It’s like having been sucked into a whirlpool of events which left me bitter and battered. I’ve been living a soap drama of love, hate and deception. It is easy to forgive, but it is hard to forget. It is easy to trust, but it is hard to do so with a broken heart.They also say that if someone is capable of hurting you once, they are able to do it twice. Sometimes I really do not know who to trust anymore…Perhaps it is only TIME that can really prove the worth of renewed trust…

This entry was posted on Monday, June 26th, 2006 at 5:53 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.