the bittersweet chocolate starfish

Okay, i’ve decided for once to try and not make my blog sound so dark and morbid anymore. Um..that is, if i can help it lah. Sigh. Sometimes you just want to share with the world about your personal woes..but when they know and start questioning you, you feel like retreating to a corner in embarrassment and doubt. What if they don’t get it? What if they get it, but all they’d do is profile you as a helpless  emotional wreck after their critical review of your publicized thoughts?

There i go again. Worrying what others think. Expressing my doubts in a silly, fretful way. Sometimes I wish i could rap, or sing, or draw them out instead. You know, like one of those more creative and artistic individuals who wouldn’t for one minute doubt their own talent and potential in self-expression.  Right. If  I were  artistically  gifted in any way, i’d be complaining less about life in a blog like this. No. I’d still be complaining about life. But in a more creative and inspiring way, i suppose.

Today i watched Oprah Winfrey. Yes, that’s right. Oprah. Well, there was nothing much interesting on other channels and MTV, kays. Anyways, it wasn’t that bad. It was about this ex-supermodel and former muse of DKNY called Lynn something (i don’t remember her last name). The woman practically went through the worst imaginable hell on earth. Imagine going through severe breast cancer that costs her both her breasts to be taken away, and not long after that, going through another major episode of Stage 4 brain cancer that led to a 9 inch titanium stapled stich on her skull. *shudder* Really touching though. She came out of all that shit alive and well..and happy. Amazing. And it puts a pessimistic young thing like me to shame, i have to admit that. But one can’t help wonder : Do you really get to learn how to appreciate and love life more only after a major traumatic experience such as cancer or an accident? No, i suppose. I’m sure there are many other small and harmless ways to gain that attitude towards life. It doesn’t always have to involve pain and regrets..i hope.

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