tears and rain
Saturday, September 24th, 2005.
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I’ve found no meaning.
I guess it’s time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I’m so cold from fear
‘Tears & Rain’ - James Blunt
You know you’ve got to get through this, you see.. before you can ever be the same again. tears and rain. fear and pain. sometimes the selfishness that possesses you hurts others.. but you know you’ll hurt them more if you allow that to show through and get to them..especially when you know you’ve gotta face life’s crap alone by the end of the day. you hurt knowing that you’ve hurt.. but it’s better this way.. or is it. you don’t know.. you just know it’s about fixing yourself first before expecting others to fix you, ain’t it.. cos probably that’s where real strength lies. i don’t know. but i still know what’s the meaning of redemption and maybe you can still find it in a good song, good lyrics and good friends. a good day gets you through, a bad day gets you by. you miss..you yearn.. you regret..you hope.. you hurt..but sometimes you simply just run away for a while.. hide away for some time. some things are just too much to bear. some things are just too little to live by. you drown before you have the courage to resurface, breathe and break down all over again. You hope for someone to be there but you know it’s only in dreams that anything close to that comes by.. that kinda exasperation eats you up and burns you out. yeah it’s always d case tat you can’t ever get wad u wan cos tat’s how life is.. maybe tat’s where the value of happiness lies cos you’d never appreciate it if you had it all along. but who’d know better.. who’d know better than yourself that nothing positive like that ever means a thing when each moment of despair and disappointment just about sums up your entire lifetime.. who’d really understand the capacity you hold for containing defining moments like that without really showing it through and through? whatever that means.. but people who’ve been through a lot with you would understand without the need for much words.. that’s a comfort and even worth of being your salvation at times. Like eating chocolate, you hold on to that melting moment of sweetness before it dissolves into something altogether unpleasant.. like bitterness at the back of your tongue. You think to yourself.. you’d give anything to fast forward this phase in life til you get to that day.. any day.. someday.. a great day? lol. a special fren, an angel, has always taught me to have faith when it’s all bad.. well.. guess if that’s anything to go by, if that’s all i’ve got to get it going.. i’l take it. i’l take it with love and hope and a conviction that life does offer everyone a share of happy endings..
