the bittersweet chocolate starfish

Maybe I’ve been the problem
Maybe I’m the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I’ve been thinkin’ maybe I’ve been partly cloudy
Maybe I’m the chance of rain
And maybe I’m overcast and maybe
All my luck’s washed down the drain 

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Stars looking at our planet,
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe startin’ to wonder

How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout the meaning of resistance

Of a world beyond our own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Began to look like home

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout everyone, everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars,

When I look at the stars,

When I look at the stars

I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars 

I feel like myself

Everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
Everyone, ya everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself
When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone

‘Stars’ - Switchfoot

How can it hurt, When I feel no pain?

How can it heal, if I look the same?

I’ve been searching all my mornings, for the last breath of a dream

Are you drowning or just waving, cause I’m tearing at the seams

I wanna live, and I wanna breathe

Always thought you’d be the one to set me free

But I can forgive, cause you bring me to believe in something more

Now I only want to live if I can find

Find somebody to die for

Find somebody to die for

How can you lose, if its not a game?

How can you love, if you’re never gonna change?

‘To Die For’ - RoosTer

it’s a hazy hell. a hell too real to ignore. air is no longer air that we unconsciously breathe, no longer an invisible substance that we can’t see or hear or touch. it’s air that’s given an identity at the present. it’s smoky, heavy, insidious air that penetrates into everything it can get hold of. it gets into your hair, your clothes, your skin and your mind. noone can escape. is there any space for escapism then in times like this? perhaps not. cos there’s not even space to breathe. this thing is unfriendly, yet it wants to be noticed by everyone. what’s worse, it sucks the mood out of everyone. or maybe it’s just me. well we’d love to condemn something or someone for the shits we get into. in this case, it’s easy enough. indonesia, d much-loved target of hate. especially when it comes to this issue of bad air. ironic, isn’t it. we love to hate what hates itself. i’m sure there are those who are suffering no less, or perhaps even more, than us here in their direct exposure to the burning sources. they are probably hating themselves and their unfortunate situation even more. but here we are hating them and ourselves for being so helplessly ‘close’ to them. i don’t know. i don’t blame anything whatsoever. i just don’t want to be subjected to the psychological effects of this hazy condition. already, boredom and angst is like bad air that circulates in my world..